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Creeper cards


March 7 2013

In today's blog, I discuss those creeper cards which have recently been passed out at some “hacker” conferences.

== About the cards ==

Recently, some of the relatively few women at those “hacker conference” sausage-fests (A “sausage fest”, of course, is a social gathering with far more men than women) decided to react to some of the harassment they were getting by making two different cards to give to guys.

Here is the text of the yellow card:


If you have received this card, you have done something mildly inappropriate to the person who handed this to you. Your intentions might have been good, but before future engagement make sure you are being respectful and mindful of people's boundaries.

And the text of the red card:

If you have received this card, you have done something wildly inappropriate or otherwise harassed the person who handed this to you. You should be happy you got a card and not a punch in the face. Check yourself — you might not be this lucky twice!

== What is wrong with the cards ==

Bottom line: I don’t like those “creeper cards”. Men need to be taught how to become attractive, how to talk to a girl in a way she finds sexy and flirtatious, how to look for IOIs (indicators of interest) and act upon them.

Those “creeper cards” do none of that. All they do is teach lonely men with social skill problems that there’s something wrong with finding women attractive. These “creeper cards” do nothing to teach men that women are beautiful, that women deserve respect, that women are not just their bodies, and that there are things a man can do to make himself more attractive to women.

Some women who have either passed out or support these “creeper cards” have no interest in improving men’s social skills; to wit the anonymous commenter who said “If you don’t know how to speak to a woman without being so incredibly rude then you deserve to be forever alone.”.

I’m not alone in not liking these cards; the comments on another page show women expressing similar sentiments.

== Better solutions ==

Well, the first solution is obvious to men who have learned anything about meeting women: Don’t try to meet women at sausage fests. If you want to improve your chances, go to places with more women in them.

The other is: Learn ways to approach women that actually give you a chance of having a date with them. It’s unfortunate that the women who make these cards are not helping men here.

To be blunt, I have more respect for the “pick up artist” (PUA) community than the pro-“creeper card” community. While there is a lot wrong with the PUA community—treating women like sex objects, for one—they at least are trying to teach men social skills in a way that is positive for males.

2020 update: I no longer have any respect for the majority of the “pick up artist” (PUA) community because of how they objectify and lack empathy for women.

Indeed, one player in the PUA community makes a better version of the “creeper card” which points the rejected man to actual advice that can make them a better person—but even giving that card to a guy can be rude.

== The best solution ==

I will go further and state that the institution of monogamous marriage is the best way for a woman to establish a healthy boundary with men.

In a culture where marriage has broken down and where promiscuity is the norm, women tend to end up having unsatisfying short-term hook-ups with the relatively few “Alphas” who know how to be attractive to women. This is not helpful to women, who need to realize that, in a promiscuous culture, physical intimacy is not an implied contract for a long-term relationship; this is not helpful to the majority of “Beta” men who don’t know how to play the game to seduce a women, and end up lonely and sexually frustrated. It’s not even helpful for the “Alpha” men, since they have to be someone who they truly aren’t in order to seduce women.

2020 update: I no longer believe that 20% of the men sleep with 80% of the women.

== Conclusion ==

I understand that women are frustrated by how they are sometimes treated by men. I understand there is something seriously wrong in our society with the way men can treat women, and something seriously wrong with a world where women aged between 15 and 44 are more likely to die or be maimed by male violence than by cancer, malaria, traffic accidents, and war combined.

Handing out cards that hurt men’s feelings, however, is not the best solution to these problems.

Education is the solution here. And that means, yes, teaching men how to become someone attractive enough to women that they can be in a consensual relationship where their sexual needs are met.

Ultimately, however, we need a culture that respects marriage. This will give women a culture where they can more easily establish a strong boundary with men they do not know.

See also: Why I need Masculism

2016 update: Keep in mind that a lot of stuff Pick up artists / misogynists say to justify their predatory behavior towards women is pure BS and that women making their husbands cuckolds is actually very rare

The text of “Creeper Cards” is public domain (“CC0”, which is the same thing). I have made my own image of the red card. To post a comment about an entry, send me an email and I may or may not post your comment (with or without editing)